Two years ago I left my job, packed up my apartment, pared down my things, and drove around the country for a year. I slept in RV campgrounds, on couches, in Airbnbs, in hammocks, and in hayfields. I navigated solo for more than 15,000 miles.
I am the opposite of fearless. That trip was one of the scariest thing I’ve ever done.
It also gave me a lifetime supply of self-respect.
That trip taught me that fear, in most cases, isn’t worth accommodating, and that the limits of a comfort zone aren’t real limits at all.
That year and those adventures showed me the contents of my heart, and now I’m going to follow it.
The Head and the Heart
It seems to me there are two kinds of knowing: the kind with your head and the kind with your heart.
My culture reveres head knowledge and is skeptical and dismissive of heart knowledge, but heart knowledge is the sort we’ve had since the beginning of time, and it’s the sort we need. People have a funny way of repressing the stuff they need the most.
Accessing heart knowledge means seeing, naming, and facing down our fears. Not easy. To grow requires dropping below the story we tell ourselves every day about our lives and about the world. Not easy. It means admitting that there’s a lot we don’t know and choosing to move forward anyway.
The first thing we don’t know is what we’re actually capable of.
On the Road Again
I’m moving to Boulder, Colorado because my heart says to do it. I want to be the person I’m capable of becoming.
I’ll join a small start-up in the farming community with friends I made WWOOFing in 2017. My housing, income, and future are all unknown. I’m scared, sure. But I have fear’s kryptonite now—faith. I choose to believe in what my heart has to say.
Come see me in the mountains!